Where was their money going? Emma asked Wayne about the cash withdrawals from their checking account. He had been taking clients out to dinner, he said. He looked down to his feet. She forgot about it. A week later, she learned where the money had gone when his mother called. Would Emma get Wayne to…
Mike brought home books and erotica, hoping to turn his wife on. Lynne felt more pressure to have sex. He wanted sex several times a week. For her, once every other week was enough. Feeling rejected, Mike became more insistent. His frustration grew; her desire dwindled. By the time they attended a Gottman workshop, neither…
Did they really need the camping gear? She has been looking through the checking account. The extra expenses will leave them tight again this month. He reminds her of the weekend they have planned with another family. The children needed sleeping bags. Besides, are they supposed to stop having fun? By the end of the…
If your partner has ever told you to calm down in the middle of an argument, you may have wanted to ask: why do I have to stop being upset before you’ll listen? Here is what John and Julie Gottman have shown: we can learn to argue differently without first becoming different people—and feel understood…
Ten ways partners can break trust Gottman identifies ten forms of betrayal beyond a sexual affair. Some involve concealment. Others happen in full view, so often that a couple may stop questioning them. 1. Conditional commitment. A partner stays while continuing to look for someone better. The other person may keep trying to resolve individual…
If you’re a therapist using the Gottman Method to work with couples, you know how encouraging it can feel when you introduce a new concept that helps partners develop a shared understanding of the patterns that keep getting them into trouble. Maybe you’ve just explained flooding, and for the first time, your clients have language…
Key Takeaways: Regular check-ins prevent partners from slipping into “roommate mode” by prioritizing emotional connection over daily schedules. Addressing micro-frictions weekly stops minor annoyances from hardening into resentment. Regular check-ins provide a predictable, safe container that helps maintain emotional safety. Simple, consistent prompts build a lasting foundation of empathy and mutual understanding without requiring formal…
Life is short. We are busy. Don’t undervalue the time you get to spend with your friends. Don’t allow yourself to be distracted during that time. Instead, treasure your time with your friends. Savor each moment. Jesus modeled a life of being fully present to others. When He was with the woman at the well,…
A narcissist cannot take the blame for his or her own actions so they project it all onto someone else, usually their closest relationships. Because it’s your responsibility to take care of the narcissist, and they expect their life to be perfect, when things aren’t perfect, you as the caregiver must be to blame. You…
When Bids for Emotional Connection Keep Being Turned Away When Wes married Rachel, he was a well-established photographer who supported her through cooking school. Ten years later, the digital revolution had hit his business hard. His wife, Rachel, had just become head chef at a respected restaurant. She was thrilled and afraid she would not…