People want to know if their personality traits are the problem. After a bad fight, alone in the car or staring at the ceiling at 2 a.m., the question surfaces: Is something about who I am making this worse? It’s a reasonable question. But Gottman’s forty-plus years of research answer it in a way most…
Because I’ve worked in stepfamily ministry for many years, I’m often asked about the term “Nacho Kids” or “Nacho Parenting.” This phrase, created, owned, and trademarked in 2013 by David and Lori Sims, came after they attended a marriage counseling session. They were struggling to blend her son and his 4 children into one household….
When you and your partner decide to seek help for your relationship, it’s a brave and meaningful first step. But it can quickly become confusing to navigate the different mental health titles: should you see a counselor, a therapist, or a psychiatrist? Understanding the role of each professional is key to building the right support…
The biology of feeling safe is older than language, and older than YouTube. Before anyone called it ASMR, you already knew what it was. A parent humming you to sleep. A friend braiding your hair in silence. Someone reading aloud in a voice so low it wasn’t meant for anyone else in the room. What…
Every relationship keeps a ledger. Not on paper — in the body. What is gratitude in the context of a relationship? Not a thank-you card. Not a vague feeling of appreciation that surfaces on holidays. Gratitude, in the Gottman research, is something more specific and more consequential: a habit of mind. A practice of actively…
Aww, marriage. It’s great, isn’t it? Can you hear the love birds cooing as you gaze into each other’s eyes, clasp one another’s hands, and smile fondly? The wind gently rustles in the sun-filtered treetops along a rugged mountainside that captures an awe-inspiring and breathtaking view. Then, it happens; you both lean in for that…
We often hear the message that positive thinking can solve almost anything. If you stay optimistic, focus on the good, and maintain a positive mindset, everything will work out. Common Myth: Positivity Alone Fixes Everything While positivity certainly has its place, the belief that positive thinking alone can save a relationship is a common myth….
Bids for Connection A bid for connection is a term that Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman use to describe any attempt where one partner tries to gain the other partner’s attention, affection, support, or engagement. Bids can be small and everyday, such as: “Look at this.” A question about your day. A…
“Why am I still single?” I remember asking God that exact question one night as I sat in my car after yet another fun-filled wedding—celebrating someone else’s love story while wondering when mine would begin. My eyes were filled with tears during the ceremony, and I want to say it was because I was so…
There comes a time in many long-term relationships when couples pause and realize something has quietly shifted. They’re still sharing a home, raising kids (or pets), managing finances, and getting through the day-to-day without major fights. On the surface, everything looks fine. But underneath, the spark feels dim. Conversations stay practical. Touch is rare. The…